Brandy is here with Meg!

Yeah, Brandy came in today with Miss Meg. I didn't think I could get to the airport. Hundreds of road closures due to wicked storms all night and half the morning. Two people died in high water crossings.
Went shopping at Target.

Been a rough couple of months. I gave notice in the end of March then worked another four weeks waiting for the new nanny I found them to start. Long story there which I will add later.
Been off four weeks now and it has been a hard adjustment. My body is winding down too much, too fast.

Saw Marks last Wed. and he apologized that there really is nothing else for us to try. We talked a little about how band surgery really wouldn't help since I have almost no appetite at all. Asked if I can do damage by cutting down to 600 to 800 calories a day. He said no because my only hope to stay alive is a lung transplant and I can't even see the transplant team unless I lose 100 lbs. We joked about lipo-ing it off.
Talked about not doing a mamo or more heart testing this year because it would probably be a waste of $. Not said in those words but understood that way.

Putting off lung tests for three months because it won't help anything.

The physical therapists keep asking if I'm having any signs of depression. Same answer every time; I'm not depressed. I'm pissed. I want to live and it makes me crazy that there is nothing I can do.